Crap again

Forget the fucking definitions and theories of freedom, love and the acceptance of what you all are.
I just fucking loved you all, and you just fucking left me alone.

Fuck!

Celebration

When they celebrate the rejoice of their togetherness,
I celebrate the royalty and reality of my loneliness.

Broken pieces

Not all in pursuit will find, but she found.
And then, she dropped it; it broke into pieces.
Hope the sharp edges on the floor hurt her not while she's walking away!

YOU ARE MY WOMAN

Do you know that I suppress a lot from you these days and nights?
Can I tell you one thing tonight?
"You know that that you are my woman, my woman!?"

Oh handsome boy!

Oh, handsome boy!
Why did you take over my world?
Why did you captivate my blessing?

Oh, handsome boy!
What crime did I commit to you?
Or to your forefathers in the graves?
What made you sever my poetic existence?
What triggered you to seize my benevolence?
My Pride!?

Oh, handsome boy!
I know it is all the innocence.
Out of innocence, many do mistakes.
And, like Almighty, I am also forgiving.
But, what ignited you to devastate my dreams?
My Ecstasy!?

Oh, handsome boy!
Have you any idea of the murders you have done?
You wouldn't know, for you know not the grounds.
Your Lady is innocent, and still, you disregarded her tomorrows.
You just beautifully murdered an embodiment of love, knowing not!

Oh, handsome boy!
Were you not having months and years to live ahead?
Were you not young and charming to lure ladies of all time?
Why did you thrust the dagger in your soft hands unto my spine?
Why did you blur the poetically sensual life I envisioned to live?

Oh, handsome boy!
I tried heart and soul to console my profoundly wounded egoistic self,
And, the melting soul beneath, which your naked eye would fail to see.
But, I fail to help myself in this daylight from aiming my bow to your handsome chests -
Where she'd have been resting her head, and where her hairs beautifully spread.

But, Oh handsome boy!
I am no murderer! I am no murderer!
And, I seize not! I seize not!

All I did to the Lady you own was to shelter a wandering soul before her lashes fall,
And bring her to unnippura and to a few souls around just to let her feel what loving family is.
All I did was to gift her which she wouldn't have been felt before - Family!
All I did was to let her continue to fly as she used to do, but being in an imaginary cage -
Built just to enrapture the crooked on-lookers who might feel awkward at our awesomeness!!!

But, she knew not what I thought, what I envisioned for her.
And, she just navigated, unto your fantasies, handsome boy!
Maybe, she just escaped my fantasies, I know not! I know not!
It is not just you, boy!
It is all the helplessness!

But, all these costs pretty high.
And, it is okay!
Boy!
I am sorry, Boy!

I hereby depart from your fantastic world.

Departure stories

When one left him to seek refuge in the geriatric lap of a Professor charmed by his intellectual aura, the other left to settle peacefully with the beautiful fantasies of a loving handsome boy! Meanwhile, an unidentified flying object stood still!!!

Evidently, they all left to safe places. The master player would have fore-sighted that he would definitely fail to take care of anyone like the way they are being taken care of at their beautiful camps. 

In fact, he loved them for himself, for he needed them to take care of his own very existence. They too would have loved him for the same reason, and as they were not being taken care of, they left!

The stories are bound to end.

The End.

But, the storyteller will rise, for sure.

Poor people wander

Some stupid sentimental beings continue to suffer the turmoil of the story knowing not that the story is already over!!! Poor are they... 

As they realise that the story ended, they keep wandering knowing not where to seek refuge, knowing not whether they are breathing the reality or fantasy. They are poor people. They are poor people. They know not. And they keep wandering knowing not... 

Their bosom fumes beneath.

Crap

A blog is not your wife, you rogue!

Who would listen to all your bloody impulsive non-sense you bark when you are out of senses. Go to hell, you!

To the little one

Here the answer goes,

"What I am searching is what your mother didn't give me, girl."

And, I seldom respond to emotional impulses. 

Thanks.

Do you know that man?

That man can dance other than keep crying! Have you ever seen him dance?

That man used to smile wholeheartedly, other than critiquing from head to toe! Have you ever seen him smiling?

That man used to 'live' in holy smoke and wine, other than losing himself in them over the losses he incurred over time! Have you seen him 'living'?

That man knows to flirt 'intellectually', other than keep loving the queens of the past! Have you ever known the flirt in him?

That man used to pray alone in empty mosques, other than re-reading and questioning the verses of 600s! Have you ever seen him communicating with your God?

That man used to dream Prophets and Pharaohs, other than carving characters from real life for his reels! Have you seen him dreaming? Have you ever seen his dreams?

That man loves to cook, other than staying hungry all the day. Have you ever seen him in the kitchen?

That man can passionately love the wilder kind, though he used to wish to love and live with the submissive. Have you any idea of his deep love for a wilder woman?

That man used to leave himself to the mighty waves in the ocean, other than moving his all day dry! Have you seen him playing, mating and meditating in the seas for hours together?

If you haven't, yet, there lived such a man who died lately!

Heavenly confluences

The moment of confluence in his life took off on an April 11th. And that was an innocently pure and honestly beautiful confluence, probably predestined, probably a result of his Karma. He was very poor at remembering dates, yet remembered that date. But, as times passed by, the reminiscences helped him not to cure himself, his soul; for his inner core started to believe that his soulful mate born to be with him, is already lost in pursuit of inner peace and respect. He fails to help himself as the time pass by...

Neither the moments of his entire past nor the volatile present succeeded in curing him. Looks like, heavenly confluences happen only once in a lifetime, and you must not ask for more, but keep wandering like a ghost!

He is going home, to sleep deep.

He is going home, to sleep deeply.
And, as he wakes up, he will be weightless.

He will no longer be holding on to those beautiful fantasies that used to ruin his nights, days and loneliness. As he wakes up, there will no longer be the traces of those characters who loved him and left him before even he could realise! And, he will no longer be able to sense the voices and fragrances of those characters, living and dead, who passively evolved him! And, there will no longer be the ripples of the vibrancy and impulses that reformed him, and that constructed and destructed him, time to time. He will wake up brand new.

He is going back to Him once again, hopefully for the last time, wishing to be healed. He was healed neither by the queen of the mighty woods nor by the queen of the small town. Yet, he was grateful to them all, forgiven them all, though they did no wrong. When he wakes up this time, within him there will be no stories, no characters, no fascinations, no fantasies; and certainly no aura of those pure beings he met, which he imbibed while being with them and kept crypto deep within so as to live when they all leave. But, this time, he will wake up for a lifetime, fresh.

As he wakes up, he is expected to be a new-born kid. But, the kid who lived within him in the bygone times would be no more. But, it is fine. He won't feel his heart heavy anymore, for he will wake up empty, yet fresh...

He is going home, to sleep deeply. He used to try harder to let go of things and people and got tired, but as he wakes up this time, he will forget all those people. He will no longer have to try harder for anything... He would be free of everything and everyone.

He used to wander for months and years thinking how drastically the people who touched his soul changed! But, as he wakes up this time, he himself would become the grand change and an event of changes. Probably, his change would be the best of all those changes he has witnessed and eventually became a victim of! But, as he wakes up, he would not know what changes he has seen in his yesterday's. In fact, he knows not his yesterdays. He will be the brand new!

He is going home, to sleep deeply.
And, as he wakes up this time, he would not be carrying the burden of the sacrifices he has done in the bygone times. He would not be able to feel his pride of having touched, felt, and intertwined with pure souls in his bygone times, though miserably wept all the time as they all left! And, as he wakes up this time, he would not be remembering the promises he made to people, the gratitude he had for people, the time he spent for people. In fact, his time starts as he wakes up.

He used to sleep only when he feels like, yet at any possible place. But, this time, he will allow himself to sleep wherever advised by Him, in whichever time, as an obedient child. Because, this time, he innocently wishes to be free. Thus, he is going home, to sleep deeply.
And, as he wakes up, he will be weightless...

He is smiling now, dreaming of sleeping deeply...!
But, he knows not that as he wakes up this time, he would not be able to dream anymore, would not be able to feel anything anymore. But, it's fine. He just needs to sleep now for a peaceful tomorrow.
And, he is going home, to sleep deeply.
And, as he wakes up, he will be weightless...

May I seize?

Sometimes, I long to seize thee, mercilessly.
But then, I recapitulate, that seized ones stay not for long.
Peace... Silence... Please...

A letter to dad

You'll have to save this kid one more time, dad.
I'm sorry, for I couldn't help it even this time, dad.
I know that you're getting older,
Knows that I must give you peace of mind.
I wish to pay back for all you've done for us, the family.
But, give me little more time, dad.
Like Renato said to Malena,
"From now on I'll be at your side. Forever, I promise. Just give me time to grow up."

Let me be alright, dad.
Help me one more time, dad.
Just one last time.
I won't let you down anymore, dad.

I might come to you one more time.
Help me one last time, dad.
One last time...

The pledges of the night.

Tonight, I pledge not to seek further refuge to another soul.
Tonight, I pledge to be contended with what I have and what comes in my way.
Tonight, I initiate myself to be a normal man, as my dad advised lately.

Let me move.

The vulnerable man

What he was in need of the most was what he was deprived of the most!
And thus, he was destined to be vulnerable!

Fate.

Adios

Adios

Revelation

What one lacks is what one seeks.

And, thus, people navigate from people.

And, fails to settle.

Fear - The only bad omen!

I've known losses, every time I loved.
I've to fret enough as they all left,
Enraged as they shifted from my axis, effortlessly.
All was well,
Until I sensed fear beneath.

The day you start feeling fear towards her,
It fore-sights a massive destruction of the beautiful magic - love.
I am afraid of fear.
The only bad sign - fear.

Fear is a bad omen,
That rules out future, between man and woman.
I am afraid of fear.
And, I have seen deaths because of it.

To the Almighty, if ever you exist,
I seek thou refuge tonight, and forever.
Let not fear be planted in my tomorrows,
For I have known losses, enough, because of it.
For I have derailed and wrecked, because of it.
In such a way that I can't afford more.
Guard me.

Let fear remain afar... Not on my way, please.
I am afraid of fear.

Almighty, if you plant fear within me, yet again,
Trust me, you will see my forefathers cursing your omnipresence and omnipotence, from their graves.
Then, you will be diminished to a carefully crafted idle God made of rock,
And I would become a carefully crafted disaster made of your cruel creatures' efforts to survive! Of the daughters of Eve!

Let fear remain afar...
I can't live with corpses.
Guard me.
And, give them insights.
For they shall remain as corpses neither within me nor within many pure souls of this beautiful Earth.
Give them insights, for I can't live with corpses.
Guard me.

I am afraid of fear.
I seek refuge from fear.
Guard me.

She put on weight!

I am carrying you with me, throughout.

You know what, dear?

You seem to have put on weight these days...! 

Fate?

Some people meant to be together are scattered as if someone threw them away.

The departure

He said to her as she was preparing to depart,
"Look, there is only one life."
Astonishingly, she too said the same then. And, left!

To whomsoever it may concern

You know what just happened, mate? Someone among us took away the rejoice of a lifetime! Not only mine; yours, his and our own raisers. The Sad part being none can be blamed, and thus, none can escape the present.

Now that, I am afraid of knowing people. Let me go back to my little cave where lions used to eat, mate and sleep in the bygone times. Let me go back to my forest. I am afraid of people, more people... Let me go back my forest, to where I belong. 

I am afraid of people.

The balance

In the middle of the nights when she used to play snake and ladders with a man, someone was sobbing helplessly in the deserts. Nobody heard him!

During the days when he was reinventing himself being with his family in the snowy Himalayas, she was left alone behind and triggered to play with fire. Nobody cared to guard her!

Balancing of events is a necessity, be it life or the cinema.

Helpless... I am sick.

I am sick, Pani.
I am failing, Pani.
I am not at my home, Pani.
I am feeling abandoned, Pani.

How many times in a day and at night, I am calling you, Pani?
Not even one of my call is being heard.
I am shattered, Pani.
Sometimes, no, most of the time,
I fail to take care of myself, Pani.
I need you, Pani.

Why did you leave?
Who else need you more than I do?

I am lost, Pani.
This headache is killing me this night.
Heal me, for you already know.
Else,
Pray for me, please.
Please.

Panimalar...

Her expressions...

Some of her expressions were beautifully cinematic, yet she was an unbelievably real woman.
And the best of them all!
Contradictions...

Good Night!

And then, he wished to his own self,
"Good night, Luke"!
For all of his wishers flew high and swift...

Recipe of tonight!

Hey Pani,

Ask me what happened this night when you come some day.

I fought with my brother lately. 

And, dinner was affected for few days because of the cold war.

You know what happened tonight?

I won't tell you.

But, I wish to tell you though you are too far. 

It was an awesome recipe tonight. That's all I would day.

You will be happy to see me winning.

You will find it interesting, my little stories.

But, you are too far... 

All I would say is the recipe was classic. 

Ask me when you come back someday!

You are missing a lot, by the way.

Or,

Am I the one missing you?

His eyes...

As he walked through the streets, his eyes met each and every single face passed by, as if he is always in search of someone. This is the last and the least sign of his, that one can ever understand, that he is profoundly seeking that 'someone'.

'Someone' who is lost long before,

Before even, he could realise!

Seeking promises

Mate,

Promise me one thing, please-

That, all you do over these times and until we meet next time, 

Can be forgiven wholeheartedly by a helpless soul who knows not more than to love you. 

Promise me, please.

Seeking prayers

I seek all your prayers in favour of my most beloved soul which is, now, wandering...

Friday - The Farewell Day

God gave us enough rain to lose ourselves,

Gifted us with a beautiful cave to intertwine together, 

Blessed us with the chariot for us to traverse through the lands, during the rains and to keep the time. 

Fortunately or unfortunately, 

We became losers, in such a way that we deserve no second chance. 

Unfortunate.

Thus, on another Friday, 

I mark my exit from your timeline too. 

Thanks and regards.

The last words

My last words to the one and only magical woman I have ever met:

"And, on this very Friday,
I mark my exit from your timeline.
With impeccable rage, helpless guilt, and unconditional love,
I am backing off.
May God bless you to stay safe.
Take care."

Today

For many times,
I have wept enough,
Due to the unfortunate events gifted by women.
They took all of me in little time, having given me a little of their time.
Rather, I gave them my entire self, soul and vacuum.
End of the day, they all left!
And, I stood alone.
But today, I wish to smile.
Today, I deserve a smile.
In one word I can summarise this impeccable life - Tragedy
But today, I am learning to free me,
And will define the life as "beautiful"

I am quitting

Soulmate,
I know that I should back off,
That I must not be a hurdle,
That I should not let you bothered.
I know.

From this night,
I am quitting.
Still, I assure you my voice, my breath, my stories, my everything,
But, upon your call.

From this night,
I am starting,
To learn to inhibit.

Best of Luck, Mariyaan!

The omen

The lustre is lost, for you are gone.

The profound serene smile within is faded,

For you are gone.

But my pride, the eternal pride, is that which remains, 

For I have had merged with your pure soul once... 

And, trust me, the pride will remain within forever,

For I have had merged with your pure soul once...

But, premature death is an irony, right? 

A bad omen for tomorrows, right?

Pray for me, for I won't collapse.

Your prayers will be heard, I know.

The most beautiful?

When people talk, words are beautiful.
When people narrate stories, visuals are beautiful.
When people mate, every breath is beautiful.

No title

I thought you were my wife.
Yes, my wife.
And, you were.
Then, what happened?

I am all alone.

Friday!

It is Friday,
The only day I have for me.
And, where are you?
How am I complete without you?
Pointless Fridays...

Pray for me, mate.

Pray for me, soulmate.

I am praying for you every time I pass a mosque, for your wellbeing.

Pray for me too, please.

I know, it is all the cycle.

Like I envisioned in the graveyard, after my first death,

"Cruelty triumphs,

Victims weep.

Then, they rise up-

Shedding their left over-

"essence".

Everyone reaching him,

From then,

Will turn out to be victims.

And thus, a victor is born.

And thus, a sadist is born.

And the crime chain moves on."

It is all the cycle of events.

Fortunately or unfortunately,

No one can blame the other,

For no one knows who started it.

I tried with all my senses not to be in the cycle.

But, mercilessly, failed.

Maybe, the balance of the universe is to be accomplished this way.

Like my murderer then, today, I too feel like I am not guilty.

It is all the cycle.

It is all the cycle.

Forgive me for I have hurt your beautiful aromatic soul.

I knew not that I too would become a part of the cycle, though I foresighted it.

I thought I was wise, but, I was not.

Forgive me.

And, pray for me.

I just loved you.

I could only love you.

But, now, amid this night,

Somewhere beneath, I sense fear,

Fear of being dangerously alone.

I am not desperate, soulmate.

You know better.

But, I am afraid amid night.

But, I am afraid amid night.

Somewhere beneath...

Pray for me too.

Please.

Statement on sex

Sex is not an act.
It is a way of life, a philosophy.

Where are you, Lady?

I am missing you dangerously, Lady.
I have to envision my tomorrow, but where are you?
I might get riled even to you, for I have loved you deep... And still not learnt to cope with your unprecedented withdrawal.
I have to share some, but where are you?
I have to talk not just superficially, so, where are you?
This is not acceptable.

But, but, if you are happy there,
Why, why would I, you know, grab you to me?
I am lost. I miss you. And, I don't know what to do. I need to talk, Lady.
But, where are you?

I wonder

Where are you?
How could you?
Devoid of my aura?

Murder me, but not the kid!

I tried to protect them all.

Because I valued them all.

And certainly disliked them being others'. 

I was a selfish kid!

But, they left me.

I wept,

Yesterday, like a kid.

Today, like an adult.

I know, seasons change.

I have been a victim of the change.

I am again, left alone.

But, now that I am little grown up, you see.

So, I think like an adult, you know.

What I figured out was that I never loved myself truly in spite of being an established narcissist, with all the pride I carry.

Today, I love myself, and decides to protect me, my soul,

For I have to live longer.

Decades will come to hurt me again, I know.

But, I will survive. 

Because, I love myself.

All I pray is, "God! Murder not  my kid within, in my fight to exist in this world of inconsistencies."

I will protect myself.

I will be kind, yet again,

Unlike the so-called fighters of the world.

The beautiful narcissist!

"I love myself."

And then, he said, proclaimed, "I am beautiful!"

He said again, "I am quitting". 

But, he never quit... 

He continued to traverse through the polluted paths with his pure scented aura, but cleansing himself more and more, on and on... 

At last, one day, he left the world so beautifully that even the Prophets would be felt jealous of!

I seek your consent.

For survival, you left.
Now, I seek your consent,
For survival is my necessity too.
I am waiting.
Until your respond,
I will be churning in fire bowl.
Help me.

I will.

I will be there for you.

That's all that I have to say to you.

When you came to me the very first time, I never asked about your yesteryears.

And, when you come to me again, I will remain the same.

For I have always been the same.

I will just be there for you.

I will.

Her eyes...

Your eyes are important to me.
It was with those two glistening eyes you kept on gazing at me in all those magical nights.
Safeguard your eyes, dear.
Take care of your eyes, dear.
You will be needing them for tomorrow.

A letter to God!

A woman with a beautiful mind,
A woman with a great soul,
A woman with real courage,
Yet kind,
Shall not be left with a miserable life.
It is against your rule book, God!
Save her to save your glory, God!
Please...

(An anarchist seeking justice from God for that one woman)

A letter to my boss!

Dear Boss,

I am trained in free hand combat.
But, presently not bound to invest the skills for my existence.
I need it not, for 'I' exist not.
Hence, equip me in such a way that I walk on up in arms.
You will have a chance to know who I am,
And what I am capable of.

the best way

It is wonderful indeed when you have nothing to loose.
You can battle, you can love, you can destroy and you can create.
All in the best way, the beautiful way.

Another man?

He is unwilling to believe,
that there is another man on this same Earth,
who deserve her.
Or, is he unwilling to believe,
that another man has done greater Karma,
so as to live with her!

I am tired, jealous and lost.

I hurt you not, but you were hurt.
You hurt me not, but I was wounded.
Your entry and exit, both were equally unbelievable;
More astonishing being your ability to heal outright.
I am tired, jealous and lost.
Unwilling to cope with the null state.

God, get set.

I have been and still is at war and peace with God. God is playing with me. At times, I also accepted it in sportsman spirit. So, in spite of the wounds I had, I always won. But, when the God continues to intensify my senses, to reply him, to respond to his effort to shook me, I will turn out to equip me with the negative energy to blow away the threat. In this serious state of conflict, it is better to invoke the Lucifer turned Satan into a person, right? The show will be intense now. The rules and conducts will be wiped out from now on, for there is no rule in love and war.... I have gone through both the states with the woman in here. Now it is the time to confront God in the same sincerity......

I am tired

I thought that you have already become my wife,
The storyteller's wife.
I thought that you were born and raised to merge with my flow,
The perennial pure flow.
I thought that you have already attained patience to listen to me,
The never ending minutes.
I thought that you were blessed with the greatest soul I have ever touched...
My thoughts were right, as always.
But, where are you, my woman?
Where are you, my soulful woman?
I know that you would know that this is not just the words of a desperate night.
But, I won't complain if you walk on ignoring this soul,
For I think I live deep within you.
And, I know that my thoughts won't prove wrong.

Where are you?

Will you prove me wrong?

Are you not feeling that I lost my rhythm this night?

Where are you, my soulmate?

I am tired.

How could you?

I withheld asking you, "How could you?", for I fail to hurt you further.
I never said, "I love you", for I knew that you knew it from my aura.
But, tonight, I feel like asking you, "How could you?".
I am sorry.
I am hurt, I guess.
But, I am better, I guess.

Fact

I have hurt all of them.

All of the 3 women in my 25 years.

My mother, my puppeteer, and my soulmate.

Yes, I have hurt them all.

But, not as mercilessly as they all hurt me.

Being alive!

Desperate nights continue to exist!
Sad... But, thank God.
For I feel alive...

Women in reel...

Panimalar
Sibel
Malena
Hanna

Free handed

It is wonderful indeed when you have nothing to loose.
You can battle, you can love, you can destroy and you can create.
All in the best way, the beautiful way.

What I lack is you. But, I know not who 'you' are!

My Soulmate

Pani...
You are the one blessed with the greatest soul I have ever touched...

From the messages to the Iranian comrade...

For me, these countries are all distant dreams...
Your country, Iran, where soulful innocent characters were born,
Italy, where Renato and Malena lived,
France from where Dreamers sensually and intellectually connected to me,
Turkey, and France again through which Gegen Die Wand traversed through, rather Cahit and Sibel met and mated...
Moving frames captivated my senses a lot....with the places it showed me, with the characters it introduced to me....lots...lots ...

Remember them

When your life is so happening, moving in the fast lane, try to remember those people who knocked your door for some kindness and left empty handed...

The chosen one

Prophets were always the "Chosen one". I'm glad to be one, the chosen one to walk the unique route of a ship sailing in inconsistencies.

Beauty

You left...

But thou aura remains... fresh, even after hours...

But, you left...

And, is that the absence that makes it beautiful?

Whatever, it is beautiful...

The difference

Many people walk alone in the streets,
But only the one walking with subtle gloom is a 'loner'...
Upon the realisation of this difference,
The loner smiled, and walked on...

Do not let me die without letting me feel the colour and fragrance of the flower I longed to feel without plucking it...

Lie with me. Lie to me not.

I am not a poet. I am a poem.